highways: [Eric from the cartoon Dungeons & Dragons, swinging on a rope and looking terrified.] (D & D ☌ jlkkjljjljlsjfsdf;dsafa)
THERE WAS A COCKROACH IN MY BED.

IT IS DEAD NOW.

HITOMI KILLED IT.

My contribution was basically jumping to my feet on my bunk going ZHANG LANG ZHANG LANG NI KAN over and over again. It occured to me after the fact that I probably should've said ROACH or GOKIBURI because Hitomi had no idea what the hell I was on about until she saw the damn thing. And it just occured to me at this very moment that I need to know the word for cockroach for every language I even sort of speak, because who knows when this will happen again. I need to be prepared.

Now I am reading about cockroaches to see if I can learn something interesting but no, everything about them is actually horrible. Once you have them good luck trying to keep the place clean to discourage their continuing existance, since they can live off of stuff like the glue on postage stamps, which I'm pretty sure means they can eat anything, and even if you keep this "food" away from them they can survive for three months anyway. Some cockroaches are really termites. Except termites are actually cockroaches. Knowing this makes both species worse, somehow. Wikipedia reminds us that "their size, long antennae, shiny appearance and spiny legs make them disgusting to many humans," and informs me that they sometimes "leave an offensive odor." And like, seriously, can they? Can they? What the fuck does a roach smell like? Mindless as they are they are smarter in groups and if that's not terrifying enough there is such a thing as an Australian giant burrowing cockroach, and now you have to live with knowing that. I would also like to note that this is possibly the worst paragraph ever written on any subject in English.

Oh, and their only effective natural predators are wasps and house centipedes. Which, you know, are two of the very very few things in this world that are worse than cockroaches.

Possibly the only good thing that came out of my half hour of research was reading this sentence: "The primitive Giant Northern Termite (Mastotermes darwiniensis) exhibits numerous cockroach-like characteristics that are not shared with other termites." Because that is just begging to be applied to a human being. The next time I'm mad at somebody, I'm not going to say, "You know what? You're an asshole." I'm going to say, "You know what? You exibit numerous cockroach-like characteristics."

But yeah, I hate this planet.

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highways: [Dante from Devil May Cry looks down in the dark, his eyes are hidden.] (Default)
DARTH VADER from the PLANET VULCAN

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